Relationships have a way of showing you yourself. It points out your flaws and even insecurities. This is the perfect time to self-reflect. Have you ever asked yourself, why do I respond this way? Why do I do things this way? Why do I have this habit or why am I the way I am? These are good questions to ask yourself in sense of self reflecting. ALL relationships require self-reflecting. It is a sign of growth. It’s personal development. Self-reflecting causes you to develop compassion for yourself despite your defects. It’s also part of the healing process. But be careful not to get so caught up in your thoughts that you defeat the purpose of self-reflecting. I’ve been guilty of this that’s why I can warn you. 🙂

I’m passionate about love and relationships. I just love, love. I love to see it and I love to talk about it. But in the same breath experiences has shaped me to operate against love and relationships. Bad relationships, bad advice, childhood experiences and my relationship with my dad all had an effect and view on love and relationships. There were certain challenging relationship moments that would trigger negative emotions. Once I felt those emotions, at times, I would control it and other times I would respond off impulse. So, for me, emotions have been that flaw when it’s not used in a delightful way. Responding off impulse, allowing thoughts and emotions to control your actions are both detrimental to your relationship! When you respond in that way, it does neither party any good. In fact matters are made worse. Take it from me…

“Your mind is your instrument. Learn to be its master and not its slave.”– Remez Sasson

It’s easier said than done. Knowing this and actually practicing it are totally two different things. But what good is it to know it if you’re not going to abide in it?

Putting what I know into action, I’ve been meditating on two scriptures.

  • 2 Corinthians 10:5 “Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ”
  • James 1:19 “Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.”

Let’s dig a little deeper shall we… In order to overcome we have to get to the root cause first. For me trust was the root cause. My relationship with God is important to me. I believe everything starts with God. However, my ability to believe God in doing what He said He would do lacked in the area of relationship. So there was a conflict. Why did I not trust God with relationship? Well we know that God is many things but in the bible God is referenced as “He” ….Father, Husband and King. My encounters and trusting of men were not the best. Hence, the negative emotions and impulsive responses. And because God is referenced as “He”, I placed the stigma of man on to God. Which resulted in me not trusting Him in that area. Once I understood, I’ve asked God to show me how to trust Him. Show me how to heal from all the negative impacts and not rush the process. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes I still mess up. One minute I trust God and the next I’m taking matters into my own hands. Its definitely a working progress. But I’m learning.

So my advice would be.. get your relationship with God right first. Get down to the root cause. Allow him heal you in those hurt areas and not rush the process. Even for the ones who are in relationships, it’s never too late to be a better you for you and for your relationship.

P.S. Take something out of every relationship even in the bad ones. There’s always something shining bright in darkness.